Ryder's 1st Christmas

It's a year of firsts in our household. First Halloween, first Thanksgiving, and now we are approaching the first Christmas. Ryder isn't old enough to understand the holidays and he definitely will question his parents later for dressing him in goofy holiday outfits. I am looking forward to the years to come when he will fully appreciate these days on the calendar. We are hosting Christmas Dinner at our house which will be our first time hosting a holiday. I am lucky that I have all of my family in town and that nobody has to travel. Wishing everyone the most wonderful holiday season!

Broken glass and poopy pants

Let me just tell you about my night the other night. I get home from work and put my pump on the counter, the milk in the fridge, and Ryder in his highchair. I am starving and will have about 30 minutes to eat before Ryder will be screaming for his dinner. Grilled cheese sounds quick and easy. I go to move my pump off the counter to clear some counter space. Didn't realize the strap from my bag was wrapped around a wine glass from the night before. CRASH! Glass is everywhere. I get that all cleaned up and start making my grilled cheese. Meanwhile I can hear that Ryder is filling up his diaper in his highchair so while my grilled cheese is cooking away I decide I can quickly change him. I pick him up out of his highchair and realize his pants are wet. There is poop smeared all over him, my work clothes, and the highchair (how do you clean the freaking straps?!?!?). Great! Take him to strip him down and somehow manage to get poop on the wall and all over the changing table. At this point the easiest solution is putting him in the bathtub. I take him upstairs naked holding him at a distance and he is laughing at me. He knows exactly what he just did. As he is kicking and splashing I smell something burning and realize my grilled cheese is still on the stove. At this point I just laugh and realize there will be many more nights like this. :)

Where do I begin?

So it has been a good 5 months since I last blogged. Where have I been? Completely consumed by motherhood and working full-time. I always thought that being a stay-at-home mom was the hardest job in the world but I have discovered that being a working mom is even harder. I do all the things that a stay-at-home mom does (cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, meal planning, etc.) and also have to report to a job away from home 40 hours per week. It's exhausting and at times makes me want to break down and cry. I no longer have the luxury of being caught up with Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, or any other favorite TV show. I find myself going to bed as soon as I put Ryder down and get to read my book for maybe 10 minutes before I succumb to the sleep monster. I hired a maid service and fired them in the same day because Trevor was uncomfortable with someone coming into our home when we aren't there. Well then who the hell is going to clean??? I thanked my mom the other night for just being the best mom in the world. She was a working mom with three kids and did everything (that I have just listed above) without complaining. She's Superwoman. I don't have those powers and am happy to admit that it is all just too much. Trevor grew up with a mom that stayed home. I grew up with a mom that worked. Wishing there were some kind of nice balance. But enough about me...my little man Ryder is 5 1/2 months old. I can't believe how quickly he is growing. He now eats rice cereal, 1st stage baby foods, and now a bottle of formula each day. I am still breastfeeding but my days are numbered. My supply has really gone down since returning to work and it is just getting more and more exhausting to schedule time to pump. My goal has always been 6 months and I am pretty sure I can still make that considering it is only two weeks away. I will be ready to put the pump on the shelf for a while. I am ready for baby #2 although I want to have my body back to myself for at least a little while before we start trying again.

Breastfeeding

HOLY HELL!!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea how exhausting and painful this process would be. Ryder immediately latched on in the hospital but the kid has kung fu nipple grip! The initial latch every time I feed him feels like someone is stabbing my nipples with daggers. The pain goes away once he starts eating but DAMN! I have been religiously using that stupid lanolin stuff but it doesn't do anything to take away the pain. I think it is more for cracking and bleeding nipples which I don't have a problem with. When does the pain go away?!?!?!? We actually introduced him to the bottle when he turned a week old and he took it like a champ which made me happy because I knew it was a feeding that my nipples would be able to rest. Pumping a bottle is painless and fast but leaves me feeling guilty that I am not nursing him. The other thing about breastfeeding is that you don't ever know how much milk he is actually getting especially because he seems to fall asleep at the boob. If I give him a bottle he guzzles it down in minutes and I know exactly how much he is eating and he seems satisfied longer. Ugh! What's a momma to do? I refuse to give up on nursing but just hope this is my lsat week of pain and that my nipples will harden the f*ck up!

Welcome to the World Ryder Jacob Brown

I am happy to announce the birth of my baby boy Ryder Jacob Brown. He was born at 7:40 AM on June 24, 2010 via scheduled c-section. Everything went great! I would say the worst part of the c-section was getting the dang IV put into my arm. It hurt like hell! Going into the operating room was a bit scary and I was shaking like crazy but once I was on the table with Trevor sitting next to me I felt at ease. Ryder was fully lodged in the Frank Breech position so it took them a bit longer to get him out. But once he was out there was an immediate beautiful cry. They whisked him away to weigh him and do all the apgar tests. Trevor got to see him get his first bath and then they finally brought him over to me. He was beautiful! After they stitched and stapled me up I went to the recovery room for about 45 minutes and then on to my birthing suite where I stayed for 4 nights/5 days. The nurses and doctors were wonderful! At the end of the first day I was able to get up and walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Every day got better and we were so lucky to have so many visitors come to meet Ryder and keep us company. I know the healing process will be long but I must admit I am thankful to have my "hooha" still in tact and no hemorrhoids! Here's to a great new beginning with my beautiful baby boy.

What do you possibly do the day before you are scheduled to give birth?

It's simple...you think. Think about where you were 5 years ago. Think about how surreal this all seems that you are about to welcome a child into the world. You have had 40 weeks to plan and prepare(in my case 39) but yet the day before you still don't feel prepared. You look at your husband and say, "this is our last day together without a child." It brings tears to both of your eyes because your life is going to be forever changed in less than 24 hours. It's a weird feeling that everything is planned due to a schedule c-section. We don't get to experience the anticipation of going into labor. We won't be as exhausted as the couple in the birthing room next to us that just went through labor for 19 hours. We show up at the hospital at 5 AM tomorrow and the baby gets delivered around 7 AM. It sounds simple really and a bit rehearsed but that's the way it is when you have a breech baby. I am ready to meet my son. I never thought I would say this but I think I am going to miss being prego. I won't miss the aches, pains, first trimester blah-ness, the 35-36 LB weight gain, the chaffing on my inner thighs, the nasal congestion, the shortness of breath, etc. I will miss all the attention you get being prego. I can't believe how generous people are to prego women. Your discomfort immediatly subsides when someone tells you how beautiful you look or that you are all belly and haven't gained weight in any place but your belly (such a lie!). I will miss my weekly prenatal massages. But most of all I will miss the unbelievable and unexplainable feeling of a human being growing inside my body. It truly is a miracle and I am forever grateful to be able to experience this. And when I feel my little boy kick and push on my belly it makes stop in my tracks and just think about how amazing life really is. Here's to an amazing day tomorrow and to welcoming my son into the world.

We have a breech baby on our hands

My previous two appointments the docs have done a "feel" test on my lower abdomen to determine the position of the baby. I was told he was head down. Then I went in last Friday and noticed there was an ultrasound machine in the room. Didn't think it was for me because I was told I only got two ultrasounds: initial one at 8 weeks and the gender ultrasound at 20 weeks. Turns out they started doing ultrasounds around 36 to 37 weeks just to verify the position. I guess some women have gone in to deliver only to get an emergency c-section because the baby was in a bad position. So after my wonderful GBS test (vaginal AND anal swab, yup!) they did an ultrasound and determined that Baby Brown is in a Frank Breech position. He is head and legs up and butt down. The poor kid can pretty much suck on his toes. I should have known though because he gets the hiccups quite often and I could definitely feel them near my ribs. I have read a lot about how to get the baby to turn but considering I am 37 weeks, full-term, and don't want to stand on my head 3 times a day for 30 minutes there isn't much I can do at this point. The doc said it would be highly unlikely for him to turn around at this point but you never know. With that being said we went ahead and scheduled a c-section for June 24th. I am sort of grateful for not having an elaborate birthing plan because I think I would have been much more disappointed than I am today. I feel okay with it. A bit nervous obviously to get my guts cut open but thankful that I have a great doctor. I know the recovery isn't going to be fun but I guess the good news is that my vagina won't tear and I won't have to deal with hemmoroids. Very weird knowing the birth date of my son and even stranger is that only 3% of women have breech babies. Makes me wonder how I made it in the 3% and is it a sign that my child is going to be a hellian? He's already doing things his own way.