Ryder's 1st Christmas

It's a year of firsts in our household. First Halloween, first Thanksgiving, and now we are approaching the first Christmas. Ryder isn't old enough to understand the holidays and he definitely will question his parents later for dressing him in goofy holiday outfits. I am looking forward to the years to come when he will fully appreciate these days on the calendar. We are hosting Christmas Dinner at our house which will be our first time hosting a holiday. I am lucky that I have all of my family in town and that nobody has to travel. Wishing everyone the most wonderful holiday season!

Broken glass and poopy pants

Let me just tell you about my night the other night. I get home from work and put my pump on the counter, the milk in the fridge, and Ryder in his highchair. I am starving and will have about 30 minutes to eat before Ryder will be screaming for his dinner. Grilled cheese sounds quick and easy. I go to move my pump off the counter to clear some counter space. Didn't realize the strap from my bag was wrapped around a wine glass from the night before. CRASH! Glass is everywhere. I get that all cleaned up and start making my grilled cheese. Meanwhile I can hear that Ryder is filling up his diaper in his highchair so while my grilled cheese is cooking away I decide I can quickly change him. I pick him up out of his highchair and realize his pants are wet. There is poop smeared all over him, my work clothes, and the highchair (how do you clean the freaking straps?!?!?). Great! Take him to strip him down and somehow manage to get poop on the wall and all over the changing table. At this point the easiest solution is putting him in the bathtub. I take him upstairs naked holding him at a distance and he is laughing at me. He knows exactly what he just did. As he is kicking and splashing I smell something burning and realize my grilled cheese is still on the stove. At this point I just laugh and realize there will be many more nights like this. :)

Where do I begin?

So it has been a good 5 months since I last blogged. Where have I been? Completely consumed by motherhood and working full-time. I always thought that being a stay-at-home mom was the hardest job in the world but I have discovered that being a working mom is even harder. I do all the things that a stay-at-home mom does (cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, meal planning, etc.) and also have to report to a job away from home 40 hours per week. It's exhausting and at times makes me want to break down and cry. I no longer have the luxury of being caught up with Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, or any other favorite TV show. I find myself going to bed as soon as I put Ryder down and get to read my book for maybe 10 minutes before I succumb to the sleep monster. I hired a maid service and fired them in the same day because Trevor was uncomfortable with someone coming into our home when we aren't there. Well then who the hell is going to clean??? I thanked my mom the other night for just being the best mom in the world. She was a working mom with three kids and did everything (that I have just listed above) without complaining. She's Superwoman. I don't have those powers and am happy to admit that it is all just too much. Trevor grew up with a mom that stayed home. I grew up with a mom that worked. Wishing there were some kind of nice balance. But enough about me...my little man Ryder is 5 1/2 months old. I can't believe how quickly he is growing. He now eats rice cereal, 1st stage baby foods, and now a bottle of formula each day. I am still breastfeeding but my days are numbered. My supply has really gone down since returning to work and it is just getting more and more exhausting to schedule time to pump. My goal has always been 6 months and I am pretty sure I can still make that considering it is only two weeks away. I will be ready to put the pump on the shelf for a while. I am ready for baby #2 although I want to have my body back to myself for at least a little while before we start trying again.

Breastfeeding

HOLY HELL!!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea how exhausting and painful this process would be. Ryder immediately latched on in the hospital but the kid has kung fu nipple grip! The initial latch every time I feed him feels like someone is stabbing my nipples with daggers. The pain goes away once he starts eating but DAMN! I have been religiously using that stupid lanolin stuff but it doesn't do anything to take away the pain. I think it is more for cracking and bleeding nipples which I don't have a problem with. When does the pain go away?!?!?!? We actually introduced him to the bottle when he turned a week old and he took it like a champ which made me happy because I knew it was a feeding that my nipples would be able to rest. Pumping a bottle is painless and fast but leaves me feeling guilty that I am not nursing him. The other thing about breastfeeding is that you don't ever know how much milk he is actually getting especially because he seems to fall asleep at the boob. If I give him a bottle he guzzles it down in minutes and I know exactly how much he is eating and he seems satisfied longer. Ugh! What's a momma to do? I refuse to give up on nursing but just hope this is my lsat week of pain and that my nipples will harden the f*ck up!

Welcome to the World Ryder Jacob Brown

I am happy to announce the birth of my baby boy Ryder Jacob Brown. He was born at 7:40 AM on June 24, 2010 via scheduled c-section. Everything went great! I would say the worst part of the c-section was getting the dang IV put into my arm. It hurt like hell! Going into the operating room was a bit scary and I was shaking like crazy but once I was on the table with Trevor sitting next to me I felt at ease. Ryder was fully lodged in the Frank Breech position so it took them a bit longer to get him out. But once he was out there was an immediate beautiful cry. They whisked him away to weigh him and do all the apgar tests. Trevor got to see him get his first bath and then they finally brought him over to me. He was beautiful! After they stitched and stapled me up I went to the recovery room for about 45 minutes and then on to my birthing suite where I stayed for 4 nights/5 days. The nurses and doctors were wonderful! At the end of the first day I was able to get up and walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Every day got better and we were so lucky to have so many visitors come to meet Ryder and keep us company. I know the healing process will be long but I must admit I am thankful to have my "hooha" still in tact and no hemorrhoids! Here's to a great new beginning with my beautiful baby boy.

What do you possibly do the day before you are scheduled to give birth?

It's simple...you think. Think about where you were 5 years ago. Think about how surreal this all seems that you are about to welcome a child into the world. You have had 40 weeks to plan and prepare(in my case 39) but yet the day before you still don't feel prepared. You look at your husband and say, "this is our last day together without a child." It brings tears to both of your eyes because your life is going to be forever changed in less than 24 hours. It's a weird feeling that everything is planned due to a schedule c-section. We don't get to experience the anticipation of going into labor. We won't be as exhausted as the couple in the birthing room next to us that just went through labor for 19 hours. We show up at the hospital at 5 AM tomorrow and the baby gets delivered around 7 AM. It sounds simple really and a bit rehearsed but that's the way it is when you have a breech baby. I am ready to meet my son. I never thought I would say this but I think I am going to miss being prego. I won't miss the aches, pains, first trimester blah-ness, the 35-36 LB weight gain, the chaffing on my inner thighs, the nasal congestion, the shortness of breath, etc. I will miss all the attention you get being prego. I can't believe how generous people are to prego women. Your discomfort immediatly subsides when someone tells you how beautiful you look or that you are all belly and haven't gained weight in any place but your belly (such a lie!). I will miss my weekly prenatal massages. But most of all I will miss the unbelievable and unexplainable feeling of a human being growing inside my body. It truly is a miracle and I am forever grateful to be able to experience this. And when I feel my little boy kick and push on my belly it makes stop in my tracks and just think about how amazing life really is. Here's to an amazing day tomorrow and to welcoming my son into the world.

We have a breech baby on our hands

My previous two appointments the docs have done a "feel" test on my lower abdomen to determine the position of the baby. I was told he was head down. Then I went in last Friday and noticed there was an ultrasound machine in the room. Didn't think it was for me because I was told I only got two ultrasounds: initial one at 8 weeks and the gender ultrasound at 20 weeks. Turns out they started doing ultrasounds around 36 to 37 weeks just to verify the position. I guess some women have gone in to deliver only to get an emergency c-section because the baby was in a bad position. So after my wonderful GBS test (vaginal AND anal swab, yup!) they did an ultrasound and determined that Baby Brown is in a Frank Breech position. He is head and legs up and butt down. The poor kid can pretty much suck on his toes. I should have known though because he gets the hiccups quite often and I could definitely feel them near my ribs. I have read a lot about how to get the baby to turn but considering I am 37 weeks, full-term, and don't want to stand on my head 3 times a day for 30 minutes there isn't much I can do at this point. The doc said it would be highly unlikely for him to turn around at this point but you never know. With that being said we went ahead and scheduled a c-section for June 24th. I am sort of grateful for not having an elaborate birthing plan because I think I would have been much more disappointed than I am today. I feel okay with it. A bit nervous obviously to get my guts cut open but thankful that I have a great doctor. I know the recovery isn't going to be fun but I guess the good news is that my vagina won't tear and I won't have to deal with hemmoroids. Very weird knowing the birth date of my son and even stranger is that only 3% of women have breech babies. Makes me wonder how I made it in the 3% and is it a sign that my child is going to be a hellian? He's already doing things his own way.

A completed nursery

We have worked long and hard on our baby nursery. From picking paint colors, to furniture, to bedding, etc. If I didn't have such an opinionated husband it would have been done sooner but he has to be a part of everything which I guess I shouldn't complain about. Originally we were going to borrow my brother and sister-in-law's baby furniture but then Trevor decided it would be a good investment to buy all new stuff if we are planning to have a few kids. And let's talk about the kids new pimp closet...I am sure we could have done it cheaper through Home Depot but The Container Store can customize it all for you so it turned out great and actually cost more than all the furniture. Ha!

Co-Ed Baby Party

My wonderful sister-in-law, sister-in-law's sister, and my mom hosted a wonderful Co-Ed Baby Party at our house last weekend. My only requests were no games, lots of cake, and lots of booze (not for me of course). We had such a blast and are so thankful we have so many wonderful friends in our lives. I feel like we are set for the baby with all the great things we received. It was fun having the guys there to man the BBQ and provide endless hours of drunk entertainment. I don't think we went to bed until midnight! Only 6 more weeks to go until we get to meet Baby Brown.

The "Express" Childbirth Class

Why they call it "express" is beyond me. The class was 6 hours long!!! This was actually the shortest class we were able to sign up for. The other ones were 10 hours or over the course of weeks. I don't care what anyone says because there is no such thing as a class teaching you how to be prepared for childbirth. I know the basics of what is going to happen but can't tell you how it is all going to go down. I don't have a birth plan written up. I just want the baby out of me in a timely manner. I must say that the class did make me feel a little less anxious about being in the hospital. I loathe hospitals for the most part. There is that distinct hospital smell that makes me want to faint every time I enter those doors which isn't often. There is a potential that I will faint at some point while in the delivery room or the recovery room. I hate blood and I hate needles although I have become a little more accustomed to needles with my platelet issue. Getting vials of blood drawn every 4 weeks for the last 34 weeks and only passing out once is pretty good. I still can't look at the needle in my arm and am scared most about the IV needle that will go into my hand when I get to the delivery room. Anyway, the class was good. Trevor and I chose to look away during the video part. I don't want to see a baby come out of my vagina let alone someone else's vagina. And I definitely don't want to see the delivery of the placenta. The lady sitting next to me said that in the video they placed the placenta next to the mom because she wanted to see it. Are you kidding me?!?! I am so thankful I didn't look.

I can't breathe!

For the last week or so I find myself gasping for air. Mostly seems to happen at night when I am going to bed although more and more it's become an all day affair. And then I feel like I am having a panic attack because I am freaking out that I can't breathe. I thought it was maybe eating too much for meals but I have cut back on the food and that didn't seem to help. I tried propping myself up in bed and that doesn't help. Maybe I am overthinking it and it really isn't that bad?? I looked in my trusty What To Expect When You Are Expecting book and sure enough I am at the point where it can get harder to breathe. Until the baby drops (at which point he will then be sitting on my bladder) I probably won't get any relief. It all makes sense I guess considering it is a small space for all of your body organs and a growing baby. Something has to give and this time around it is my lungs. This whole process is such a beautiful miracle! The good news is that I have only 7 weeks of work before I start my maternity leave. Yahoo!

30 Weeks and 25 LBS

Today marks week 30 of my 40 (this kid better not be late) week pregnancy journey. I am 25 LBS heavier and starting to feel pretty uncomfortable. My back pains have returned and apparently I am getting the pregnancy waddle. It must be more comfortable to waddle than to walk straight because I don't feel like I am intentionally doing it. We just signed up for an Express Birthing Class (by Express I mean a 6 hour class instead of a 10 hour class) in early May which should be interesting. I am not sure what to expect but they better not show us any 1970's vaginal births or I will surely pass out. In fact, I don't want to see any birthing video's. I don't plan on looking below my waist when I give birth so why would I want to see a video of someone else below the waist? Trevor and I are getting really excited to see this little guy. I had a dream that I saw his face as clear as day in an ultrasound and he was so cute. My mother-in-law just sent us the whole travel car seat/stroller system with an extra base which made everything seem more real. Only 10 more weeks to go!

The Nether Regions have Disappeared.

It occurred to me the other day that I can no longer see "down there" when it comes to pruning the garden. It has become dangerous to even attempt to get the razor in that region. You can't hold a mirror in the shower because it just fogs up so I did what any logical person would do...I asked my husband to trim me up! Without even thinking about it he agreed to the task. That is true love my friends!

The Pregnant Bridesmaid

This pregnancy has been quite a journey I must say. This last weekend I was honored to be a bridesmaid in my dear friend Sarah's wedding in Cincinnati, OH. Thank God she picked out a dress that would look good on a bump. Sadly the alterations were more expensive than the actual dress. On wedding day I was the first to walk down the aisle and then had numerous people come up to me at the reception and say, "I had no idea you were even pregnant until you walked by me and I saw a side profile!" I think I pulled it off quite nicely. And although it was my first sober wedding and I had to take care of my drunk husband all night, it was a beautiful wedding nonetheless. Thank you Sarah and Ryan for letting me be a part of your big day!

OMG! Am I really lactating already?

I recently stopped by Victoria's Secret to try on some new and bigger bra's. Just something to get me by until the baby comes. First I must tell you that I was actually wearing my sister-in-law's hand-me-down nursing bra because it was the only bra that fit me at that point. I went to try on some new bra's and noticed I had wet spots in both cups of the bra where my nipples were. WHAT??!?! What the f*ck is going on? Am I lactating already?? Do my boobs think I need to lactate because I am wearing a nursing bra? Is this normal? Should I start pumping now in case the colostrum and milk dry up before the kid comes? I logged onto google and typed in, "Is it normal for your breasts to leak when you are pregnant?" The answer..."it's typical in your third trimester." I am only 24 weeks! Apparently if your breasts leak early it is supposed to be a good sign that breastfeeding will be easy. I hope so! It has become quite a funny thing in our house. I woke up last Saturday morning with wet spots on my t-shirt and Trevor screamed, "Oh my GOD! You are lactating!" He thinks it's funny. I think it's gross. The good news is that I now wear a size 36D bra.

The First Baby Shower

I have never been a fan of showers. Whether it's for a wedding or a baby I just dread them. I hate the games they make you play and I hate the advice you are supposed to give to a new bride or a mother-to-be. But alas, my beautiful Ohio friends have thrown me my first baby shower and it was amazing!! I feel so blessed and grateful that I have my Ohio friends. Tried and true they will always be a part of my life and I only wish I lived closer to Ohio. We had a beautiful Italian dinner and actually played two really fun games. Maybe showers aren't so bad afterall.

This is definitely not what I consider a fun experience.

To all the mom's who rave about the beauty and joy of pregnancy, I curse you. It has thus far been a bit of a miserable experience for me. The first trimester I felt hung over every day and also suffered severe hip pain and sciatic nerve tingling. Oh and let's not forget to mention the extreme tiredness. I would have to go out to my car at lunch time to take a nap in order to function for the rest of the working day. And just when I think all that misery is over in the second trimester it gets even better. Aside from the weight gain, dimples in my butt, chaffing on my inner thighs, random dark hairs on my stomach, and uncontrollable gas, now my damn back has started screaming at me. It's not the typical lower back pain but pain right at my bra line and mostly on my left side. It feels like my back is contracting and about ready to give birth. (Speaking of birth...I thought I had a high threshold for pain and could maybe do natural birth but have since decided that I am a wimp and it wouldn't be physically possible or a mentally sound decision. I am getting the drugs!) I was just told that my problem is simple...I need a new bra. I have been trying to force these suckers into my usual C cup and they are most likely D's so I just need to go make the purchase. I know I should not complain and feel blessed that I get to experience this but I just had no idea it could be so tough. And considering I am only 22 weeks along I am really hoping and praying that my body eventually settles and all this madness ends. Wishful thinking.

I farted on the massage table!

Let's just say I have always felt that I have had chronic gas. Not sure if it is an actual medical condition but it should be. My mom has actually purchased me bottles of Bean-O because it has become a family joke. “Bean-O now and there will BE NO gas later.” Now that I am pregnant the gas is even worse which Trevor really doesn't appreciate. He seems to think it makes me less lady-like but what do I care?? I am carrying his child so the least he can do is deal with a little noise and a little smell here and there. Anyway, for the last 5 weeks I have been getting weekly prenatal massages because I decided that I should be pampered through this whole 40 week process. It's the one night a week I look forward to most especially after a long day at work. And last night as I was enjoying my hour massage I farted on the table. Let's just say it wasn't silent and I had zero control of this air flow. I pretended as if nothing happened and so did my lovely prenatal masseuse. She's the momma of two baby girls so I think she understands right? I can't help that she puts me into such a relaxed state that I lose all control. I just hope I don't lose control of my bladder or bowels in the weeks to come. Yikes!

What is the deal with pregnancy dreams??

You would not believe the dreams I have been having. They pretty much started when I got pregnant and continue to get more vivid each night. Some are good, some are scary, some make me want to cry the next day, and some make me wake up and think I just had an orgasm in my sleep (TMI). I think I was a bit stressed out early in my pregnancy because I kept having dreams about the doctor's not being able to find the heartbeat when they ran that little monitor across my tummy. I had one of those dreams last night and can't stop thinking about it today. I don't feel stressed anymore so why I am still having that dream? The sex dreams are out of control. And get this...I have even had a few lesbian dreams. I am not joking! So what does that mean?? Am I really supposed to be a lesbian? Trevor likes to give me a high five in the morning if I have had a lesbian dream. Here's to a good night of dreaming about flowers and clouds.

It's a Boy!

I have always dreamed of having a boy as my first born. Growing up with older brother's I always felt protected and wanted the same for when I hopefully have a little girl. And as it turns out my dreams came true! This was our second ultrasound and it was absolutely the coolest thing I have ever experienced. But first let's talk about my fear before going into this appointment. What if our kid is a hermaphrodite? Yes, this (among many other stupid things) is the crap I have thought of while being pregnant. But alas, we are not having a hermaphrodite. We got to see the chambers of the heart, the spine, the brain, the face, and most importantly...the little penis. We are so excited.